On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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