A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
The best revenge is premature balding
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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