She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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