Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
