you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
