Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
