Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
