my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
