He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize