call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
