Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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