mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
we're chasing vodka with high fives
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
