im drinking this country out of the recession.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
