Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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