Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
the gays at disneyland are vicious
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
