Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Im part way to drunk.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
