P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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