I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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