When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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