i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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