yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
