i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
