I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
We're too hungover to prance.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
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