Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
It was confusing and full of hummus
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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