Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
