I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
