HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
