Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
