I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
