Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
