I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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