K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
