You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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