I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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