You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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