you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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