you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
