well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
