he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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