Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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