the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
