when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
