Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Michael Bay diarrhea
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
