I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
