cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
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Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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