Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
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At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
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