Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
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