the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
