No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
