Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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