It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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