Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You can't just leave with hair like that
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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