I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
