i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
