why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
