I have demons in me.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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