the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
