real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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