Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
