No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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