my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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