All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
