im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
