New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
