hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
