i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
