our cab driver is having phone sex.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
