there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
